A client recently nailed something they had aimed and prepared for, we’d worked on it for weeks. And when it was done and done brilliantly, there was a moment of lovely acknowledgement, and then immediately came the striving forwards. And with the striving came the anxiety that went with the question “what next?” or rather the anxiety that came with not knowing the answer. She was in the moment of her success and she was uncomfortable about what her next success “should” be.
Clearly I love coaching, I continually benefit from it and enjoy seeing my clients benefit from it. But there’s a lot that bothers me about striving for success. Firstly, what’s the point if you don’t enjoy it?! Perhaps I hadn’t coached that particular client well enough to figure out what the real point was for her. And yet this point still useful for us all.
Let’s say there’s something in your life that you would like to be different. Perhaps it’s your job, or your fitness level, or your relationship, or your home, or well, anything else. If you just look at goal setting techniques, life can become all about when you have “nailed it” and how you are going to do that. Coaching can be all about striving to be better, different in some way. I 100% appreciate the value of visualising, dreaming, scheming and planning. However that’s not everything; you need to start where you are. It might be simple but alas it isn’t always easy. Quit striving and try these on instead.
- Learn how to embrace and appreciate where you are – even if you don’t like it – as you will want to know how to embrace and appreciate life when it looks as you would like it to.
- Acknowledge where you are so that you can move from that place. What we resist persists! When we just want to be over there, it can be hard to bear being where we are and we can distract ourselves. This in turn, can keep us stuck and frustrated.
- Look around where you are in your life. What riches or beauty (or whatever you desire) do already have? When you can really appreciate where you are you might discover there is little else you truly need. *Disclaimer* this can lead to spontaneous happiness and heartfelt generosity. For more on generosity read the post inspired by the refugee crisis.
- Start where you are because that is where your life is. Thoughts of the past and imaginings of the future are not where your life is, it is always exactly where you are. So be there and be fully ALIVE!
Mindfulness is about tuning in to where you are. Meditation is about feeling everything in the present moment, not pushing it away. But so much of what we do is actually a distraction from truly experiencing where we are – setting and achieving goals included!
Embracing where you are isn’t just something you do at the beginning of a process, you have to keep doing it.
To apply this to an area of your life that you’d like to make some changes in, give yourself some space to identify and acknowledge where you are. The more specific you can be in answering these questions the powerful you’ll find the process.
- What are you grateful for?
- What are you proud of?
- What do you desire?
If a niggle of fear arrises, allow that to be part of where you are. We all have doubts and fears. Return to the questions and see if you can allow yourself to be here before you move on to the next thing.
From this place what is your intention? What action are you inspired to take?
If you have any questions or comments, please get in touch. Comment below or email me firstname.lastname@example.org